So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
