On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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