I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sarcasm needs its own font
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
