I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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