hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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