There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
