Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
