Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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