check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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