woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
