i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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