I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
