Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
