First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
