sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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