Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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