I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
