Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
