im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
