You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
