Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
