If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
