i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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