I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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