At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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