We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
