Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
