Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
