Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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