Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
