i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You dont lie about slip and slides
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
