mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
