i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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