would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
