jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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