Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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