Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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