maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
