The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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