just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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