the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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