Only a mothe r could love this liver
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
