dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
