actually, I'm a sock model
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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