how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
