Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
