so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
