it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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