I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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