Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
