I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize