lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
