Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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