I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The power of my boobs compel you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
