Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
