Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
